New Years Eve and Lacking Groups of Friends

I know I said I would write about my job and boss today, but I'm still working on the best way to write that post, so I offer you this one instead.

A saying of mine is that I have friends who "come in ones." This means that I have never really had groups of friends that all know each other and were all friends. Sometimes this is helpful/cool, because it means my individual friends confide things in me that they might not in others because they know I have no one to tell.

Other times it is less enjoyable. I remember telling a friend once that being with multiple members of my extended family felt like nothing else in the world. She, knowing me well, hypothesized that maybe that wouldn't be such a big deal to me if I had more groups of friends. As much as I adore my extended family - and I do - I think she has a point. I envy this friend and her group of high school friends who are almost like family. I imagine what it was like for another friend to work at a fast food restaurant and have a ton of inside jokes with her co-workers. I want that.

I had it once. For about five years I lived in a dormitory where the people that lived there as well as the staff members were like family. I didn't share my deep, dark, secrets with all of them, but we were extremely comfortable with one another, always teasing and laughing. I don't think I really want to go back to my university days, but I do look at pictures of these people on Facebook with an ache in my heart, because I miss the community.

For New Years Eve this year, I went to the home of two friends who are married with a baby. It was a very quiet get-together, there was never more than seven people in the house that night, and I loved it. A friend from a different part of my life asked me why later, and I think I just felt like I belonged. I knew most of the people at that gathering, and the couple I didn't know were very friendly. it was wonderful.

I hope to gather even more "friend groups" in the future, because New Years Eve proved what I've always known: feeling like I belong does my soul good.

Take...Whatever

A new year is here, and I have decided that one of my resolutions is going to be to blog more. I've said this blog more, but I've said that before so we'll see if it happens.

To begin, things I am thankful and excited for in 2012-2013:

*The fact that I have been good about keeping up with my friends in the state I used to live in even though I don't live there anymore.

*The fact that God has given me friends of all ages; each one teaches and loves me differently.

*Twitter

*The fact that I have at least two - maybe three - trips to look forward to in 2013.

*The fact that my one dear friend who is married still actively pursues a relationship with me.

*My challenging job and my awesome boss - more about this on Monday's post.

*The fact that I can so accurately text with my voice on my iPhone

*Blogs I love

I don't know if I should be blogging. I have no idea how all the bloggers I love come up with post after post after post. I just know I want community, I want internet friends to maybe become real life friends. I want to perhaps write a post someday that will touch someone. I want to maybe become a better writer.  Who knows? I guess we'll just see what 2013 brings.

Hello Again

Hi Guys,

Once again, sorry I haven't posted in awhile. I wish I knew what to write about. There is so much I want to say, and sometimes I just want to pour it all out here. Journaling has never been effective for me; for myself it seems redundant, I want someone to hear my thoughts and respond to them. At the same time, I don't want to lay myself bare. What if I write something and it causes someone to realize how much I suck? What if no one else agrees with me about something, and thus I end up thinking I'm nuts? But I really do want to become a "blogger" so what to do.... *sigh*

Nothing much else to report.

Love,

Carm

Why My Life is Good, Part 2 AKA When I Possibly Say The Thing I'm Not Supposed To

The second reason I consider my life to be good is because, well, I LIKE that my disability makes me different. You know that scene in Love and Other Drugs when Maggie goes to the alternative Parkinson's conference and there is a comedian there who says stuff that is only funny to other people with Parkinson's? Sometimes my life is like that...certain humor or experiences that others without disabilities/my disability might not understand, I get. For example, do you know what a friend of mine did when we had a Snow Day at my university? He built a snow mount and people tried to fly off of it in their wheelchairs. (I did not participate because I was already recovering from a broken leg that I had acquired in a completely non-fun way...but it sure looked fun.) Similarly, I just love how there are certain things in my life that only people with disabilities would understand, like how being an inch too far forward in your wheelchair really does make a difference in one's comfort level. I love how people in my life start fabulous organizations like 3E Love and how it's super exciting when they accomplish new goals for the first time. Overall, I just love how my life has a slightly different spin to it, it certainly keeps me on my toes! (Well, not literally. :)

*Disclaimer-This series of blog posts is solely reflective of MY views about having a disability. Certainly not all people with disabilities would agree with me, probably not even all of my friends with disabilities would agree with me, just wanted to make sure we're clear on that. :)

Why My Life is Good, Part 1

I decided that I wanted to do a series of posts on the blessings that I feel having a disability has brought to my life.* The first thing I thought I'd talk about is the joy of having Personal Assistants or PAs, as I am used to calling them. For a person who loves to hear people's stories as much as I do, seeing 2 or 3 different people in a day (or maybe more) is like heaven to me. The thing about having PAs - at least in my experience - is that you often get pretty close to them pretty fast. After they get used  to my care routine, there isn't much left to do but TALK (or listen to Taylor Swift or watch Regis and Kelly, Ellen and Rachel Ray :) )! Happily, this means I get to sometimes become the person who gets to hear the everyday things about people's lives. That test that was stressing a college student out a couple of days ago? I get to be the one to ask how it went. It's almost like I'm a person's roommate or significant other in the sense that sometimes I am the first or last person someone sees in a day, so I get to hear little details that other people either won't get to hear at all, or won't get to hear until later. It is an honor and a privilege to play that role in a person's life, and as each new phase of life begins and/or ends, I always miss the stories of former PAs.

For the PAs reading this, I hope that you know how much it means to me that you treated/continue to treat me like your friend and not just some JOB. Thanks for enjoying telling me things, needing to vent to me, and making me feel like we had/have a mutually beneficial relationship. I love you guys for that - and many other things - more than you could possibly know.

*Disclaimer-This series of blog posts is solely reflective of MY views about having a disability. Certainly not all people with disabilities would agree with me, probably not even all of my friends with disabilities would agree with me, just wanted to make sure we're clear on that. :)

5 Things I Loved About Today

Since I couldn't think of anything else to write about, I thought I'd do a post on five things I loved about today.

1) The weather-Since I no longer live in IL and as such am not constantly exposed to humidity during the summer, I don't really take gorgeous-weather days for granted. So when they come, I eat them up. Now if only I could figure out an easy way to get in my parents' pool...

2) My wrap from Tim Horton's -bacon, cheese sauce, egg, whole-wheat tortilla...MMM... For my American friends who are not aware, Tim Horton's is the Canadian equivalent of Duncan Donuts. It's a Canadian icon that has coffee that I actually LIKE. (This is a miracle.)

3) Finding out an old friend is engaged and appears to be living a very exciting life that's only going to get more exciting. I VERY MUCH hope we get to Skype soon.

4) Speaking of Skype, I love that I am really starting to use it now. Sooo easy and so fab, especially because the reception in my parents' house is HORRIBLE. (More Skyping, less cell phone chatting please people. :) )

5) Knowing that I get to see one of my favorite people tomorrow. :) A person who makes me laugh, challenges me, and just is genuinely a fabulous friend.

Family and Friends

As I said to someone in an e-mail the other day, I've always really loved the idea of friends becoming family/family not necessarily requiring a blood relationship. This idea was first shown to me through my childhood best friend's family's relationship with another family in their lives. The mothers had known each other since - I believe - the eldest children were very young, and now these children and the ones that followed referred to the parents as "Auntie" and "Uncle." The idea that one could CHOOSE whom they love in that familial way was a beautiful idea to me even at age seven or eight. Now, I've often felt/still feel a bit guilty with how enamored I am with this particular concept, because my blood-family is AMAZING, and I will be the first to tell you that I do not appreciate my spectacular parents NEARLY as much as I should (although I think I usually feel very aware of how lucky I am to have my sisters and amazing extended family). Still, the concept of non-blood family has always held an extremely special place in my heart.

One set of people that always come to mind when I think of my non-blood family are the Harpers (not their real name). I have known the mother of this family since I was eight and she was sixteen (not the same family discussed above). She was my camp counselor and we always had a special bond that intensified when she was my main Personal Assistant in grade 8. We lost touch for awhile due to moving but when we reunited about six years ago via e-mail, I knew that our bond was still there. Now she has four kids, and it was/has continued to be established that this means that I have three nieces and one nephew, and the last niece has one middle name that matches mine. I don't think the mother in this family knows exactly what it means when she says things like "So your nephew..." or tells me that when she dreams of big family trips I am included in them. It means everything: It means someone has chosen to love me so much that I hold a special place in their heart and life. It means I am invited to birthday parties even when I cannot attend, and am constantly asked by my eldest niece when I am coming to visit.

The Harpers are not the only heart family I have. There are other friends whose babies I know I will rock or whose kids' dance recitals I will try my utmost to attend (or at least make a surprise appearance at). Essentially it comes down to this: for me personally it feels good to be wanted and seeing similar themes in other people's lives just makes my heart sing because it's good to know there is that kind of love in the world.

Tell me about your non-blood family. I'd love to hear!